Sorry I have not had a lot of time to post. It is not easy to get time on the computer with this little chickie following me around and still stuck to me like glue! She likes to press the buttons on the computer when I am on it so I just usually end up giving up!
Over all Katie Grace Xi Hua is adjusting quite well. She is very good natured, bright and learns as she goes. She is very observant and wants to do things like we do them, so she watches and learns quickly, whatever it might be.
Her tantrums have numbered down considerably. She may only have a couple per week. When she wakes up from a nap, she used to have a big tantrum everyday. Then it became just a long crying jag, now it is about 20 - 40 minutes of serious grumpiness without much crying. I have to work with her through it- she won't let me leave her side, but won't let me touch her. Once it is over, she is a sweet as pie again!
She is still very attached to me, Mom. Now the attachment is good, yes! But the fear and panic is not so healthy. I am working with her to not fear being left behind in her own home. She panics if I walk too fast away, even in the house. But yesterday for the first time, she played with our little neighbor girl, Amber (7), who loves to come over. She let me go out of the room several times to do my housework and only called me a lot and checked on me now and then but didn't scream and run after me. I even got a shower in without her standing at the shower curtain, yay!
She is learning to share more and more everyday and really loves her siblings and mom and dad so much. We hug and kiss and hold hands a lot all day. We play and sing and dance and watch shows together.
I however, have to say, am feeling a little bit down. It is not easy sitting in a house all day on a floor playing dolly or "kitchen" with a 3 year old hour after hour day after day and doing house work in between. I know, I know, that's what moms do! Don't get me wrong, I really am attaching to Katie Grace quite well and she is so sweet, but this is not unlike the feelings of the blues after having a baby and you feel pretty cooped up and disconnected with everyone. No one has come to visit or to see our new daughter or even called to say hi, except our awesome babysitter and my wonderful neighbor Liz. Actually 2 others have messaged me and said they would visit. But that is it! I guess adopting is not exactly like having a bio child in the eyes of the world? Or maybe once you have a few already, people probably figure it doesn't really matter anymore and you got it down to a science. :) That has been a bit of a disappointment and I feel a little out of it. I have to say, I have been feeling better though when I get out in the evenings to football practice or wherever and just out of the house for a bit.
Here are some great pics from this past week:
Here is a cute one of Kate Grace in her too big slippers and backpack she wears around the house and packs with all kinds of things! If you can't find something, it is usually in there, like my phone, someone's shoes, etc!
Daddy gets a little extra love from the boys! Nothing like those hugs to give you some more energy for the day!
Just a cute little face to see everyday!
Swimming pool time with Matthew and Joshua. Thank goodness she lets Matthew take her in too so Mom can take a break and take some pics!
Joshua and Hua Hua all grubby after playing in the dirt after football practice, being silly and having chicken nuggets for dinner.
It will get better Annie, it will just take time, soon you will wish she wanted to hang out around you more. It is hard when you can get nothing done plus I'm an only child so like some of my own space, thank goodness for early bedtimes for everyone but me. As for people not coming do most people around you know about adoption? I wouldn't let anyone come while Maya was learning about living at home with us, even though for her it wasn't a big deal. Most of the time you are told you really shouldn't allow people to come and visit for quite a while. FI thats not it I don't know, I had people waiting very Impatiently to see both of our kids, Maya probably more since I held them off for awhile and she took so so so long to get home. With Benjamin it was easier since he was a newborn I didn't mind people coming since Joe hadn't missed out on all of his first year and a half of life like he did with Maya.
ReplyDeletesorry though that would hurt my feelings too, hope its just because they are trying to give you all time to bond.
There is something called PADS (post adoption depression syndrome) which I didn't know about until I got home from Taiwan and was seriously down in the dumps. Doesn't sound like you are where I was, but it is real. Also, I know that we purposely limited our contact with others for the first couple of months so that the attachment and bonding could really sink in. Perhaps that is what people are thinking. However, I do believe that there is a lack of "celebration" around adoption, especially of toddlers and above. There are some areas that have larger groups of adoptive families and they "get it", but if you don't have that, I don't think people look at it similarly to a baby being born or adopted. I think every child's entrance into a family should be celebrated. One of my friends who adopted threw her own "welcome party" for her child and invited people over for a drop in. That's an idea...hang in there!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite picture is Jacob with the boys! Love the backpack photo too! Has Katie Grace let you watch the Auburn games? Great games, very exciting endings to both! Love when they win!
ReplyDeleteI commented above first, love the fact that you are honest about your feelings and not sugar-coating adoption for the rest of us! I've heard it gets better and I praying it will for you too!
If you continue to work at Disney, perhaps I can bring Journey down and we can see one of your shows. That would be a super treat!
Hang in there my friend, God equips those he has called and he will equip you for this too!
It really does get better and it sounds as though Katie Grace is making so many positive strides forward. Haleigh stopped the tantrums after being home around a month or so. They quite often happened right after nap time as well. And, people don't seem to see it as the same as a birth, especially if it's an older child. I guess it's something we'll have to "educate others" on! I remember an extended family member rebuking me on things they thought I was "neglecting" a few weeks after I was home. It hurt because I was exhausted and drained and simply doing my best; help would have been appreciated - criticism was not! When I pointed it out, I was told that I "chose this". Some just don't get it and they miss out on the blessing as well!
ReplyDeleteWe are still in the process of adopting (it's been 1 1/2 years) but having friends that recently adopted internationally, I know from an outside perspective I was a little hesitant to ask to come see their new little ones. Not for the lack of wanting to (Trust me, I was dying to see them) but more from the not wanting to interrupt their attachment and bonding time in the first few weeks.
ReplyDeleteSo maybe your friends need an "invitation" to visit like saying, "we are all settled in now and would love for you to come by and meet our new family member!" It might dissipate any fears of bothering you that your friends may have!!!
Congratulations!!!
Annie,
ReplyDeleteI just wish i was close enough to come over and visit with you!! Drink some coffee, play dolls....:) Praying for all of you and sending Hugs!
Annie, I Would LOVE to get our kiddos together seeing how Joshua and Caden are exactly the same age LOL and Our girls are close too!! I'll message you on FB! I just thought you were so busy and then I saw Jacob had been in the hospital....
ReplyDelete